the lost of a best friend, maybe two, and a bad practice

ugh, where to begin. today wasnt all that great. arguing with my dad nonstop, getting pissy at family that i never see, a bad guard practice, losing my best friend(s). twirps is coming up in a week, and i have done NOTHING to prepare for it. bleck.

so, really, first thing is that it sucks losing a best friend. this kid is my best guy friend, he even towers over the girls sometime. i can trust him like no other, and i said something that didnt seem like a big deal to me and my other people, but it hurt him. i guess it wasnt what i said, it was how i said it. still, i didnt realize that i had any tone in my voice, i believe i was just stressing because there were 230 kids squeezed into 3 classrooms. and im claustrophobic.

so he told me he needed a "break" from our friendship. and i didnt really understand why until i talked to another friend about the events of friday. and i dont know, the stress and drama of school have just built up and built up, and i did something that im already regretting and i typically dont do: i gave up.

hopefully this will all blow over. but if not....

buddy, and you know who you are. youre an amazing person. youve been there for me through a lot, and through each other weve learned more than we could possibly learn about people and society's affects on them. you give one hell of a comedic act, and i know youre not a fake friend that im sure is sneaking around somewhere. i dont want to lose my best friend, and im not tired of hearing, "i want a break". im tired of hurting you constantly, either with what i say or what i do. i sure as hell could use a friend like you, but from the looks of it i dont think that will happen...so im sorry for what ive put you through. im hoping that this is just a silly little riff and we'll soon realize our childish mistakes and come out of it with a relationship that was stronger than ever before.

winterguard. ah, yes. tonight was an off night. if you didnt hear, i was in a car accident this past thursday and luckily walked away from it with bruises and a minor concussion. i wasnt allowed to do anything that could hurt my head for a week, but since my dad felt that i did an okay job at fridays football game, i could spin tonight. so, after not practicing for like, a week (lesson plans on top of the accident and kicking off winter exhibitions), tonight was off for awhile. i got stressed because i hate messing up, and i snapped at a few people because well, i dont feel like getting into it. lets just say that i obviously knew i was messing up and didnt need people telling me.

so i have a feeling this next week will be a stressful one. so if i get angry towards anyone, its just my fucked up mind issues and all should be well soon. i should figure out my "cycles" (im slightly bipolar) and forewarn all the people closest to me when a little "bout" of mine will occur.

i should also get my stupid period figured out, too. that may help.

im done venting. im going to go take a warm bath and work on my fucked up nasty pedicure and my disgustingly dry and white legs.

great, i just spilled cup noodle broth on myself.